Oh wow yes okay well I am fucking stupid
I mean I had a really good time last night but the point is, I need to stop continually embarrassing myself !

I didn't even want to drink much last night
But then Ant was going to ask Lucy out and I wanted them to both be sober so I drank what they had which I now realise was not actually too smart.

Well that was
Interesting
I suppose.

see okay yhtis is what happened

i didn't want to drink tonight i justwanted to feel nice
but then ant wanted to ask lucy out
so i stomped lucy's cigarette out becausen inknow antionio hates it and so people were pissed but then they were ok
and then elena threw up in a basin
and then to make both ant and lucy sober, i drank all the shit they had
and then i got fuuuuckkkfed and hooked uo with stupid simmo and his teeth were like all over the [place and i was like wtffff!!!!!!! bro you are so bad but then apparently caroline hooked up with him just to correct him

anyway point is i wanted t hiiook up with aydin but i think he only likes me as a friend that's what he told nina i don't evenlike him i just wanted him tonight whooops no wi have to go i'm texting maddi taylor

for anyone experiencing this post, I'm really sorry because I'm trying my best to be coherent fuck drunk blogging is the stuoiidest


That was irnoic

holy joseph

I'm totally going to Sam and Marni's this is a strange twist of fate!!!

holy joseph

I'm totally going to Sam and Marni's this is a strange twist of fate!!!

Maybe possibly

I'm going to start blogging properly again because all of my recent posts have been like singular lines of random shit and yeah I'm going to post less text posts on tumblr, and actually post things here ! It will be nice and probably be bothersome to you all but I do not care one bit ha ha ha

i can't wait to just move out and learn about everything
and become a teacher
and finally become a teacher

sometimes i hate bandom and think it's silly

so beautiful

I feel kind of funny and strange and weird but that's okay because I should stop talking about myself now

it's only 9:16pm and I'm really annoyed and restless and dissatisfied and sad that's all.

tim nic srash will someone ops have to mrememberr!!!!!!

tim nic srash will someone ops have to mrememberr!!!!!!

everything to do with fucking adam seems so fucking stupid and petty and i'm like what ejht ecifuck i jsut want it to be over what the FUCK josegk s i can't ehandle this this is so stupid why do i feel so angry my uncle was so great and he didn't fucking deserve thisno one in my family fuc,ing descerves this why does everything have to be bad all the time i'nd sick of askikgn for confolences from everyolnd i can't keep askikgn them to support me and everyone is so fucking nice and it's not fair to them ikb d on't desreve it what the fuck this is such a fucking mess

Look in summary,
Today was just the worst worst worst and bad things just kept happening but you know that's ok i'll just let everything get shit until they can't get any shitter and then maybe they'll start to look up

jappy sick

tonight was o exactly what i needed. henry and i showed up and wandered and ran into ed and wen't back to his house and admired his cd's and things and then we went onto zander's and it was really chill and then suddenly people left but the SUDDENLY people arrived and it was totally different and cool tjings went down and i met tess talor and talked to her and me and gabbi bonded and i shared pom pom with laura mayers and then who remembers when laura and cam hooked up multiple times i do i remember

good ngith i'm going to throw up

ooh so Adam isn't coming tomorrow that's really interesting.

I don't know if I should be relieved or sad that he hasn't seen anyone these holidays.
It's kind of like okay he's got something going on where he's hiding in his house however in the most selfish way possible you'd think he'd make some sort of effort to even talk to his girlfriend OH WELL monday then.

oooh the one boy i thought was so utterly unique turned out to be very much not so


every time i feel all emotional and upset and things i want to break up but then later i feel silly for feeling that way

but now i'm coming to realise that it's probably enough grounds for the conversation that i'm even feeling that way in the first place about him or because of him.

i find it hard to comprehend that he can be totally oblivious to how sad he has made me

it's just dreadful how much this is my fault, though. i'm an insecure mess and i don't know what i'm doing ever and i can't remember why he'd even like me ugh. it's my fault also because i thought he was so incredibly perfect and wonderful so when he stopped being total perfection i was just so easily hurt

i don't know why he's doing this. if he wants to say something or break up or anything like that i just cannot figure out why he hasn't just done it already. the only thing i've gotten out of him is that he thinks it's uncool when i act weird like this and that i should relax. the funny thing is that when he said that, it really hurt, but i tried to attempt this state of 'relaxation' but it turns out it's pretty difficult to achieve when you're constantly paranoid and anxious about the state of your relationship with your boyfriend who's gone MIA from your life.

i want him to come and and tell me what's on his mind but at the same time inside i know that the most probable thing that's going on is that he's not hiding something big or avoiding breaking up with me, but in reality he's just avoiding me because he finds me annoying and conversation with me tedious. and he really just doesn't care.

and i'm pretty sure it's both natural and okay for that realisation to make me feel dreadful.

i'm going to go to bed now and hopefully maybe one day soon something will be resolved.

last night

was the best night of my life it was just so good i can't believe we finally saw them I can't BELIEVE IT